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Jokes from category:

People otasevic from the army, dogs do not obey the command to "serve".
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In school, we handed out a sheet with marks for the year. Little johnny comes home and, looking his father in the eye, says:__- the Main thing that we are all healthy, daddy?__
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Lieutenant rzhevskii dancing at the ball with Natasha Rostova. Slipped her hand under her skirt... Natasha sighed languidly and asks: __- What do You feel, Lieutenant?__- M-m-m... You horse with hands never fed?__
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The call:__- Ale, emergency! Help! I stayed a maximum of 59 seconds!__- One minute..... __
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When 18-year-old girl offer to get acquainted with the guy, she asks: Beautiful? __20 year old asks, whether IT be Good? __And girls after the age of 25 ask: Where is HE?
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Ideal husband to his wife and says. __- Expensive can make love?__ Wife:__- I can't tomorrow me to the gynecologist.__ Husband:__- Hey tomorrow you to the dentist is not necessary? __
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At our dacha with neighbors at one of the red cat, the other cat grey. Not get along with each other, as neither the meeting, then fight. And now grey went to go to my neighbor to visit, that he was welcomed, fed, they have developed a ritual, ate in the room in a chair lay down. But this time instead of gray cat came red, neighbor repeated the ritual with feeding and this cat also went to the chair and fell asleep. And suddenly the window she sees coming to her house grey cat, which is the usual route was to her. Knowing what can happen, she went outside, closing the door behind her, which caused confusion in the grey cat, because he was sure that awaits him. The neighbor tried to feed, but the cat is feeling something, began to look in the window. And the window was quite high and he pulled himself up on his front legs, still peered inside. Saw his foe, lying on its rightful place, jumped out the window with such contempt looked at my neighbor, then she said that she was just unbearable shame, as if she had betrayed. Turned and proudly went, not responding to the call, and appeared no more.
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At school the teacher asks the children what they slaytgosterisi animals.__Masha:__- I know - were mammoths!__- Right, and then what?__Vovochka: __- Still had papanti!__- And who is this?__Vovochka:__- And they mammoths EB%!!!__
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Rich, sick pleasures Madame wanted crazy sex. Calling it in the appropriate office and orders__peasant, "Yes stronger" he says. __The doorbell. Comes peasant. You hear the rattle, clang, crack. Half an hour later the door__opens, pours the peasant, all exhausted, painful to watch. Madame calls to the office and angrily says: "This is outrageous!!! What hack you send". There apologized, saying they say will improve and everything... __Again, the doorbell rang. Comes yogi, Kamasutra, Yin-Yang and all that. After an hour take out a little of the living yoga - one leg behind the head, the other knee out, in General it is painful to watch. Madame again calls into the office and satisfied with there child scandal. Office in a panic, not knowing what to do, decided to send a sexual terrorist. Again the doorbell. On the threshold stands a man in a gas mask, with a machine gun belt, in which instead of bullets - you are scumbags. Madame puzzled says: "Now that you are scumbags this is understandable, but the mask why?". What__he answers: "I Hate the smell palennoye rubber!!!".__
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As swears the baby driver of the bus, when it cut?__- Jovany mole! Pike, brother!
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Out of the toilet Secretary. And behind the ear her Tampax incorporated. The boss saw it and says: __- What have you got there, behind the ear?__- What, where... Damn! And where is my pen? ...__
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The little boy fell from neboskreba were tears and there was a coffin.And disturbing horror stories tipaza will tell you - that was the first floor!
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The slogan of AVTOVAZ: "Real cars for real life" - reminds us that our life is shit.__
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From a friend: I was once in our native new York city subway. Suddenly maestrazgo brakes, and I flew forward. When this trigger instincts,and I 1) put his hands forward and 2) say, essno, "fuck!".After a short flight, I stopped about any lady.Restoring the balance, I, as expected from the Brooklyn knight,said to her: "Excuse me". Lady as a friend so he put his hand on my shoulder and says, " So after all, "fuck" or "excuse me"?A lot of us a lot.
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The ad in the newspaper:__"Lost dog in the right ear torn off, the hair on the back has been scorched, teeth knocked out, rear paw is broken. Answers to "LUCKY"".__
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